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I've had some health concerns this past year that I kept putting off getting checked for a variety of reasons; but mostly fear. As someone who grew up going to doctors monthly for my severe scoliosis and always leaving with bad news, it's often hard for me to get past that familiar feeling of hopelessness.
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Year after year, with every fitting for a new body brace, I would hope and pray that my next visit would show improvement --- or that miraculously God would straighten out my spine or provide some alternative treatment that didn't require 23 hours of discomfort. I kept asking, and I wrestled through disappointment as time marched on.
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Fast forward to when my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and you can imagine the frustration of doctor's visits that rarely offered any hope or promise. As I stayed at home, I was often the one to take her to her appointments, and it was hard. It's not fair to the doctors who genuinely wanted to help, but nonetheless, they aren't my favorite people. :) They have been the bearer of bad news too many times to count.
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When my doctor insisted that it was time to get things checked out --- and combine it with a colonoscopy, just because I am nearing 50 (yeah, me, lol) --- I knew it was time to bite the bullet. My quality of life had already been compromised by my symptoms. If it could be fixed, wouldn't that be worth jumping the hurdle of anxiety?
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And through this process, I have learned again just how amazing it is to know Christ. Because He isn't some notion of our imaginations or an unknowable force. He is so real. So close. So loving. Always faithful.
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He is ever present; His Spirit a known comfort to my anxious heart.
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When I would wake in the middle of the night with an unsettling dream or toss and turn with insomnia for the third night in a row, He is who I fellowshipped with. My concerns and whispers of help were heard when no one else was awake or aware.
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As I was being prepped for my procedures, He was listening to my inward prayers for calmness in my soul and good medical care.
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I sang in my spirit for His ears alone.
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At the hospital, there was a whole lot of commotion going on around me physically, and yet, our communication was never broken. What a sweet gift from a gracious God.
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Friends, I don't know how to convey the way God strengthens me when I pray, but I know how weak I am. I know where I'd be without His consistent presence in my life. Christ gives me the ability to persevere in hope and find joy in the scariest of times. This is the story of my life.
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I so hope that it is yours too. God wants to know us. He wants us to depend on Him for everything. And when we do, we find the peace that passes all human understanding.
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I did receive good news; a good doctor's report. I am so thankful. He answered so many small prayers in big (to me) ways. But whether or not bad news comes, I know who will strengthen me to carry it. I know where my hope is found.
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And all His people said...Amen.
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In Case You Missed It!!
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Here is the link to this 5 day study on dealing with spiritual frustration in a biblical way.
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What I'm Reading!
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Beth's memoir just came out and it is captivating. True to who she says she is, Jesus is the hero of her story. You will cry, gasp, laugh, and think through this one! You don't have to agree with her on everything to see how deep her love for Christ goes. Great read!! When you get to the last chapter that explains the title...whew! Good stuff.
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The best way to help me continue to create encouraging resources is to purchase a copy of my first prayer guide, Consider. It's $15.99 paperback, $8.99 Kindle, or $10 for paperback from me personally. The next best thing is to share about it and/or leave a review to spread the word. I'd be so appreciative!
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A final note of encouragement:
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Romans 15:13: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
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If you need prayer, please send me a message, and I will be more than happy to intercede on your behalf.
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